Depression · Daily

I think that it has nothing to do with god wanting or not wanting you to have something, I think it has everything to do with men wanting what they can't have. I find it hard to believe that even if they didn't know for sure you weren't taken - that they knew you probably were.

Anyway, I don't have enormous pearls of wisdom for you, lately I've been feeling like my wisdom is leaving me, lol. But, here is what I do have to say - you said you ruined at least one of those past relationships because of the fact that -you- were afraid to commit. I can understand that feeling - but don't let it be the excuse to ruin the relationship you are in right now with Rico. Don't convince yourself that you are afraid of the committment just because you used to be. Because while getting married is frightening (believe me I know) you were excited about the prospect of marrying him, and you were even looking at your rings to wear, and talking about getting engaged. You, just a week or so ago, were excited to tell him yes. Which is something that you obviously couldn't fathom with either of these other men. Or actually any other man that I can remember.

Don't think of them as missed opportunities, you already -HAD- your opportunities with these guys, and it didn't work out. What makes you think it would work out with them now?? And, if I understand correctly they are -BOTH- pretty far away from you right now too? Why leave a relationship that you are committed to, with someone you love and want to marry, for someone who you were scared to say you were a committed couple to?

I say, don't worry about what you are missing out on with these guys. Keep them as friends if you want to, but make it clear that you had your run at a relationship, and that you are in love with someone now. Don't let them talk you out of it either - because I know they will try, especially if he's far away.

I know that having a long distance relationship is difficult. I am the queen of long distance relationships. But you have to be strong, and you have to think of what is coming at the end of his time away. I was stupid, and I did things I shouldn't have done while Sean and I were trying to be long distance. And I was lucky - not every man would do that, no matter how much he loves you and wants to be with you.